A Relationship Log

 

 

  Many of us have habits that aren't good for us -and we have no difficulty recognizing them. We smoke too much, eat chocolate bars when we are not hungry, buy clothes we cannot afford, or sleep until noon when we should be working. We also know how to break these habits.
 
   Suppose you are unhappy in a love relationship and can't seem to break it off. İn fact you are so confused that you can't even tell whether you should break it off. Is your partner really unsatisfying? Or are your expectations too unrealistic? Are you staying with your partner because he or she is fulfilling some important needs? Are you just addicted to the relationship and scared of leaving it?
 
  When you are in a state of turmoil, it's difficult to make an intelligent decision. Before taking definitive steps, it is important to assess the relation clearly.
 
   Sometimes a relationship harms your self-respect and growth, and therefore it must be ended. The difficulty is in knowing whether your complaints are based on legitimate adult needs or by insistent complaints of the child in you. Often it is hard yo know because adult needs can be confused with infantile demands. To help you in this self-searching, here are alist of childish demands.
 
  *The other person must be exactly what you want. If she or he is not you are disappointed and angry; you criticize his or her faults and complain.
 
  * The other person msut meet all your needs, all time.
 
  * The other person must be make no demands and have no weakness or problems which disfigure the image of this perfection.
 
  * The other person must be entirely centered on you. He or she must have no enduring or strong involvement with any activities, career, interests, responsibilities or persons that black his or her attentions to you.
 
   These statements give you a pretty good Picture of what the chıld is likely to want form a relationship. Let's contrast these needs with what the mature, adult part of you would like, and let's see if your companion infantile.
 
  * Does your partner give you a hard time or fall apart when you take new activities that make you less attentive to him or to her?
 
   *Does she or he become abusive either physically or emotionally, and treat you with frequent cruelty, disdain, or lack of basic respect?
 
   *Does he or she want you to meet all his or willies although he or she makes few, if any, attempts to know, understand and meet your legitimate needs?
 
    *Is his or her fear of closeness so great that he or she keeps you at a distance,denying all your own needs for intimacy and sharing?
 
    If the situation is such as those described you might rightly conclude that you should end the relationship, For most people, even if they recognize the dead-end relationship, breaking up is not easy. If you are one of those people Who recognize a had relationship but cannot break away, keeping a ''Relationship Log'' might help.A relationship log is some kind of a diary where you record the events in the relationship, in as honest detail us you can. Write down your feelings clearly. When you read it later you will be able to understand the trite natüre of the relationship.You will see wherher you are hurt or heve bad feelings more than you are happy, and balance them out.
 
   If you make an effort to do this by keeping a log, and creating a supportive network of freinds Who value, you will eventually succeed.
 
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